16 on the 16th Series: January
Welcome to the first 16 thoughts on the 16th. I have been keeping a note of “Smart Thoughts” on my phone since forever, beginning with - “From mouth to butthole we are all just one big crazy straw.” Which… I completely stand by. 100/10 I won’t be taking criticism, thank you.
Anyway, these are just 16 thoughts I have had in the last month, or 16 things I want share. Some I will elaborate on, some I will just leave as thoughts.
Here goes.
Most things I read said you couldn’t feel an MRI and I found that to be incorrect. I got an MRI at the end of December and if you’ve never had the pleasure it was quite an experience. Kind of like floating in water from the inside out.
Sometimes you know when you click with someone on something, and Molly Burke and I, as we team up to write some music, are truly clicking. Working with a partner can be tricky and if you’re lucky to have someone that makes your blood turn to glitter then hang on to them.
Friends that you’ve known since childhood, or teen years, know you differently than people you meet and know only as an adult. Even if you don’t see them often, or ever, old friends know your face differently, they know your mind, they know your mannerisms. And you know theirs. And you don’t have to be so close to be SO CLOSE. Know what I mean?
I drew my energy as I felt it in a particular moment and it was all wonky. I think I should do that more often. When I thought, is this useful? Does anyone want to hear about this? An alarm went off at the restaurant I was sitting at and literally went “ding ding ding” and I took it as a sign that yes, go for it.
5. Christmas Eve this year was super powerful. So, this is less of a thought and more of a story. I sing at the same church, Gustavus Adolphus Lutheran Church in St. Paul, MN, every year for Christmas Eve. When I was younger a man named John always sang the big number “O holy Night”, while I sang whatever other solo of a hymn they wanted. I would be nervous about performing and John was always so nice to me. Plus, he sang like a GOD. John passed away in 2019 and I’ve since taken over O Holy Night from him for Christmas Eve services and I try to emulate his go with the flow energy. This year, as I stood up to sing at the first service, somewhere during the first verse I started to feel John behind me. I opened myself up to his energy and had the sense that we both were singing. It was really spectacular and very unique, I’ve never felt that before. I went to tell my mom after the service and before I could she said, “I saw Erin while you were singing tonight and it felt like she was showing you off. I always think of Erin as your sister, but today I felt more like you are Erin’s sister.” And the entire encounter got me thinking about space and time. I have been at that church on Christmas Eve for almost every Christmas Eve of my life and for a few moments, the distance of time was lessened and I felt close to all the people who had ever spent time in that church on that holiday, and especially John. And when a ghost is around, I’m sure my twin is with them.
6. This year I hope to lessen my grip on expectations and try for gratitude as a default. (This thought is inspired by Titus Andromeda, whom I ran into and shared a beautiful conversation with)
7. I want to widen my circle and learn more about other cultures.
8. Food tastes better when I try to enjoy it as a full body experience.
9. Water is evaporating really quickly this month. I keep a jug of water by my plants and it was almost half gone in 24 hours!
10. On the train I read the word “Priority” and the most stand out part of it was the word prior. It got me thinking that whatever my priority is now was set out from my prior self. Is that real?
11. Math and proportions are truly everywhere you look and the more I see it connecting objects the prettier the world looks.
12. I’ll never WANT to do laundry. So stop waiting for the want and just do it. Sometimes I feel that way about practicing and writing and getting out of bed. Just do it. Swoosh. Like Nike.
13. I had a series of dreams last summer that keep coming back to me in different forms. First it starts that I get hurt doing whatever I’m doing, then I have to go through a long journey to find the person in charge, whether that be God, Wotan, my manager at a restaurant etc. Then they tell me they don’t know any more than me, but now that I know that, I know more than them. Then they kill me and I’m back at the beginning to start the cycle over again. I literally see it everywhere. It’s the wizard of oz, it’s the journey of the fool in tarot, it’s the Ring Cycle. It’s the whole idea that we are searching for God, or some high power, and then we realize we never needed to search because we are the power we were looking for. But, once we have that knowledge, and really understand it, we are reborn into a new challenge and need to seek the guidance once again. Recently in my dream, the God figure has had the voice of James Earl Jones which is kind of fun.
14. Money is the God of most people, whether or not they know it or want to admit it. I had this thought when I was walking after my MRI and reached into my pocket and pulled this out. Ahh the mighty dime looking over our baby souls.
15. So I got the MRI because my hip has been acting up a little, turns out I’m UNREMARKABLE. Can you believe it? Apparently, that’s a good thing when a doctor says it, but I’ve never been so insulted in all my life! If I’m fine, why don’t they call me perfect? Ideal? Flawless? Anyway, my hip started bothering me over the summer, and my dad also hurt his hip over the summer. He is okay as well thankfully, but the whole ordeal has my sense of mortality and time super heightened. Hips are no joke! That is the connection and root for everything and to have them acting up has been quite the pain. Literally.
16. I am an apex predator. Because I hunt apexes, and this month I spotted a double. If you don’t know why I hunt apexes then maybe I’ll enlighten you a different day.
