16 on the 16th Series: Jly
It’s the 18th… so what, who cares.
Furious. I’m FURIOUS! It’s the 18th and I have no blog! Why you ask? Well because I have no thoughts of my own. This month I have been filled with other peoples thoughts, other ideas, other systems, other organizational patterns and I have had to surrender my own thoughts, to theirs. Also, yesterday, when I was only one day behind, my edited version of my thoughts DID NOT SAVE AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. So, today, on the 18th, I am rewriting them and it infuriates me to have to repeat these thoughts that were so difficult to come by in the first place. But, maybe that’s the lesson this month and someday, I’ll be grateful for the extra time to write down all my thoughts but today I’ll just say, so what, who cares.I started a new job. That’s where a lot of the new thoughts have taken me. They are thoughts of, “How do I do this? Where do I order this from? Who is in charge of these? Oh, it’s me? Great.” My beloved Brooklyn Art Haus needed a leader and I’m the best one for it so for the first time in a long time, I have a full time job at one spot and I’m not running from job to job and place to place.
A welcome sign on a locked door… I mean what is that about? I saw this all over LA. I was constantly coming across locked doors with welcome signs saying “Come on in!” both figuratively and in real life! It’s very rude. I didn’t take any pictures of them in real life so now when I’m editing I googled “Welcome signs on a locked door” and I got a bunch of pictures of guns. This one was my favorite. That can’t be a good omen.
3. Is the act of doing nothing the same as the absence of anything? Before I left for California I finished my book “How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy” and I absolutely loved it. If you haven’t read it, I’ll send you my copy if you ask. Creating art and living a life filled with creativity is an act of resistance and an acceptance of our own free will. I’ve added the phrase, “I would prefer not to” to my everyday verbiage and it’s so beautifully nuanced. I am not saying I won’t do something, I’m not closing myself off, I’m just saying my preference. It’s really, quite empowering.
4. Back in NYC on the subway I have many more thoughts, and space and time to think them. It’s something of the whirring down the tracks at an unnatural speed underneath an unnatural city. The G train is closed until August 11th and that’s my main train, so I’ve missed my special thought place a lot, even since being home.
5. Vibrations affect us more than we talk about. There are a bunch of people getting sick from the server farms and the carbon footprint of technology is drastically under mentioned, let alone screamed about from a burning mountain. Which, I happened to be near in LA when I went to a workshop by an incredible artist named Carmina Escobar. The things she did with her voice, her touch, and her energy was something I had never seen and it was an experience that will stay with me my entire life. While I was there at the Neo Voice Festival we were spending our time in a church in LA that was pure magic. It had so much history, I could smell the electrical outlets throughout the whole place. Anyway, Carmina came and did a sonic healing session and watching her work and feeling its effects was transformative. She sang and clicked and chattered and made a million sounds with her body. She said, “You are not the medium of your instrument. Air is the medium. Air and how you control it.” Later in the night she cupped her mouth, and put her hands on the back of another person and sang into their body, using the way she moved the air with her voice to resonate through another persons body. Brilliant, I’ve been thinking about singing in such different ways since this night.
6. Molly Burke and I are on to something. Promethueus gave fire to humans and we are not always responsible with it. Translation: some people are not responsible with technology and money. As Mars moves into Gemini soon I can’t stop watching Elon Musk. Last time Mars was in Gemini was when he bought twitter and now he’s backing another big horse. But tbh, I never had a twitter, I thought it was kinda dumb in 2010 and I was such a loyal facebooker, by the time twitter seemed useful I just didn’t care. But I can’t do that with the country really?
7. Some people think you either can love LA or love NYC and I don’t love LA. The humor is slow, the taxi drivers are too chatty, the sun feels too much like a spotlight and not in a nice way. It’s just another welcome sign on a locked door.
8. This past Sunday I had a wonderful time performing in Anthime Miller’s Bastille Day show! Unfortunately, I wrote a really long, well written thing about my experience in the edit that was lost (RIP). I was linking Poulenc, Pluto in Aquarius, French Revolution, and the full moon this weekend. I’ll get the video from the show sometime and share it but for right now I’m gonna let this one rest. Sorry, blame the internet, not me.
9. I had my values tested a lot this last month. It was frustrating, but also very invigorating. I feel my vitality and light pretty strongly right now so integrity feels like an easy choice but it’s been really difficult though to hold this posture and set these boundaries. And it’s not just what I require from others, I am holding myself to a standard of intentional and direct kindness.
10. Deb does such important work, sometimes I forget or take it for granted but I’m so proud of her and especially at a time when news is so speculative and crazed, it’s nice to know she’s honorable. And I’m telling you what, this miscommunication era that we are in is really getting tiring. Especially when people don’t use critical thinking. And it’s me, hi- I’m people. I fly off the handle about stuff and then you have to go - okay, wait - what’s real and what’s important?
11. Thinking about a dry Leo season. The news has been a lot and I can see myself numbing or distracting with weed and alcohol more frequently than I could if I gave it some thought. So gonna give that a shot.
12. I was pulling cards the other day and I had a good idea of how to explain the Page of Swords. I sometimes have a hard time describing the pages and I think that’s part of their lesson. Here you go:
13. I feel like I’m getting to know my body differently. This is the one body you got and the only one you’re gonna have. And you know it like no one else from this angle. AND it’s the way you take in the world around you, I mean that’s pretty amazing. I feel so bad spending so much time hating it.
14. I’m learning how to heal myself through vocal discovery and creativity and I think I can help others. I also had more to say on this thought before the tragedy, but tbh I can’t hardly remember it. That wasn’t a magical moment that was meant to stay.
15. From the vault: I should write a character scene of Barty Crouch Jr. as Mad Eye Moody having to do dumb teacher evaluations or something. Is that funny?
16. Are thumbs fingers? We’re so thumb oriented, but if Pteradactyls invented everything it would be pinky oriented. You ever think about that?
