16 on the 16th Series: June
Oh here’s the middle of June and here are a mess of thoughts
How sad to have to do things for money.
When you’re the watcher of your thoughts and you find yourself having kind of mean thoughts… it sort of feels like hanging out with a jerk all the time.
My mom said that I sound down on men… ya. I feel bad for them too. Their life so often lacks the nuance I experience with my female friends. But in that vein, They also make me see my limitations as well, the ways my life doesn’t have as much nuance as others.
Do you ever hear a song a ton all at once after not hearing it for years? Dies irae from Verdi req is all around, I hear it in the birds. I hear it in Prometheus. What is the Latin again of Dies irae? Send me in the comments if you have it memorized. But, Do you hear music and immediately remember things from the past? I feel like music is a language I speak and I can hear it sometimes in the sounds of the world. Especially with as many sounds as this city makes.
Your hormones dictate a lot of your emotions, and our hormones are all fucked up because of the foods we eat… (my ears just clogged and popped, granted I’m super underground right now on the subway) what don’t they want me to listen to? Who’s they?
YOU LIKE SOLID WHITE ALBACORE IN WATER. I can never remember when I’m at the grocery store. I dk really why but that’s the one I like. Ugh but what’s in it?! I trust all my food and I feel so nervous about that.
The tree in grandpas yard. There is a lot of commotion in my family right now and I keep thinking about this one tree in my grandpas yard.
I feel the need to share my life with people because the best feeling in the world to me is finding a similarity with someone and talking about it. So telling my stories, and allowing you to have space to tell yours, is my mission with Queer’ecital. And what a blast we had.
I feel so horrified about Gaza. I think about how normalized war is and how distant it can feel to some people. On Memorial Day I’m sitting here thinking of the song- I’m proud to be and American where at least I know I’m free. — is that it? As long as you’re free then it’s okay? And not to mention the freedoms people don’t have in this country, and the terrible things that happen in the name of this freedom. Fuckin fuck it. No way. How can I disengage? Can I?
I don’t feel like I have much time for thoughts this month. Hopefully after Queer’ecital
Nervousness and anxiety is a part of my performance. Accepting that makes it easier to deal with because it’s just a part. Just like practicing is part of performance, getting dressed is part of performance. Feeling nervous is a part of it
The eclipsing disco ball light. My path through the eclipse and music. (This has a much longer story I don’t have time to type)
Being at a show is art in and of itself - watching people watch me, Queer’ecital/ how to do nothing and Jessica’s show (again… notes of a thought)
What is happy? It’s so difficult to define
I am trying to be a good leader. I am trying to be kind and direct.
I’m busy as all hell right now and I felt 16 thoughts slipping my grasp ATM. Thank you to everyone that reads them and talks to me about them because you bring me to the present so kindly and keep me going. July feels smoother but not because it’s less chaos but because maybe I’m kinda good at chaos?
From Queer'ecital at Brooklyn Art Haus!
