Putting the Finesse in Forgiveness

May 21

“Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”

-Mark Twain

Welcome back! Gemini season is beginning and we are still trudging our way through Mercury Retrograde. My life has been a series of swerves and turns lately, (including a big win at the Giulio Gari Foundation Voice Competition!) so even though it was a week ago, this post is all about my thoughts from the Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio.

Ah, complicated, sensual, intimate Scorpio. All water signs are hyper-connected to their feelings but Scorpio, being the only fixed water sign, has the greatest capability of all the signs to connect to a deeper well of emotions. Full moons, and even more so, Lunar Eclipses are a time for us to tap into what no longer serves us, so if within the last week you have noticed the need to let go of baggage- get in line!

While doing this introspective work I have focused on unresolved feelings about a few ego-driven people who influenced me greatly when I was a young singer. I was an impressionable student and an eager to please sponge of empathetic energy who fell under the wing of people who abused their power over me, and even though it has been years, those wounds have stuck with me and birthed themself into deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. Even as I redefine myself as the type of artist and communicator I want to be, every once in a while these old feelings come roaring back and it feels like another trip on a merry-go-round that I didn’t agree to ride on.

I know I’m not alone. I know everyone reading this can tell me a similar story of incidents in your past that still have a hold on you no matter how many times you’ve tried to let it go.

So how do we acknowledge the past while knowing full-heartedly that it does not need to be repeated in the future? Through my readings, meditation, and Tarot I keep coming back to one conclusion. Forgiveness.

I don’t mean forgiveness in a way that I would ever patch anything with them, but in the way that I send them mercy and compassion as an extension of the immense kindness I give to myself. My forgiveness has less to do with them and more to do with improving my own life because when there is residual anger or resentment it continues to fester and deepen over time. It can become so much a part of you that the very thought of releasing it feels like a challenge to your sense of identity. But the irony is, negative energy wants desperately to be resolved so it resurfaces over and over again as pain, sickness, or anxious thoughts that cause us to lash out at others, most often the ones we love. This is why it’s so important to set these resentments down every opportunity we get.

As I’m working through forgiving these individuals, (and believe me it feels like work) I’m discovering how much trust it takes to forgive. Letting go of the past means I need to trust that the present and future can be different. I need to trust that carrying this weight of resentment is in fact holding me back, and not making me stronger. I need to trust that if I set this down I will be able to walk forward without the merry-go-round. I need to trust that I can actually step off the merry-go-round of repressed anger and enjoy myself on the terrifying rollercoaster of ordinary life.

Good things are around the corner and I think we all deserve the right to enjoy the goodness in our lives without the baggage from our pasts. So, thank you, Lunar Eclipse for allowing me (and hopefully you) the chance to examine who and what we can release so that when we step into the sun we can soak it in.

<3 Reb

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